Adulthood is not achieved in a single step. It is a process of years, the first seeds
planted in the milestones of childhood—in the four-year-old’s first self-cooked hotdog,
the six-year-old’s first attempt at babysitting, the ten-year-old’s acceptance of a
constantly changing world beyond their control. Often we try to pinpoint the exact
moment of maturation, attempting to capture the concept in something as simple as a
jumped train or special birthday, but the reality of the situation is that childhood is not a
garment, not a cloak to be ripped off all at once to reveal the adulthood
beneath—childhood is a skin we shed scale-by-scale throughout the years, the inches
slipping away until one day we peer back and realize that new flesh is all we now
possess. That singularity we seek is not really a moment of becoming—it’s a cosmic
instant in which some portion of the world recognizes the denouement of the childhood
journey and the quickening of a new age of life.
In the eyes of my community, the culmination of my maturation came shortly
after my diagnosis of Tourette’s Syndrome. In September of 2010, I was diagnosed with
a late-onset and increasingly active case of Tourette’s, which included violent physical
tics and loud verbal tics, such as coprolalia.
As the news spread and my classmates became accustomed to my outbursts, it
became clear that word-of-mouth was not enough; upperclassmen could be brutal,
lowerclassmen could be petty, and teachers, ignorant of my disorder, badgered me to
tears. Education, I posited, was the key; in the dark, we are afraid because we cannot see,
and if ignorance is dismantled, enlightenment casts out the fear that leads us to ostracize
others. Thus, in a meeting with the principal, I proposed that I give a series of
presentations on Tourette’s to the school.
Within a month, I had given presentations to the student body, the faculty, and the
school board. The teasing vanished almost completely.
I was asked by a local human service agency to present to their groups in nine
counties and to speak at the Families Together Conference in Albany, but my greatest
achievement occurred in the library at the Newark Valley Elementary School, where I
advocated for a second-grader with Tourette’s, fighting to receive the necessary services
from the school.
I spoke to the entire faculty, fluidly and with authority; I easily answered every
question. My presentation was interactive and the audience was required to simulate two
tics while writing the Pledge of Allegiance in ninety seconds or less; they would erase
every third word written and rewrite it, and tap their pinky to the corner of the desk each
time I clapped my hands. As expected, no one was able to complete the task.
It was in that moment that I reached, in my own heart, the climax of my childhood
journey. I, still a student, aged fourteen, had become a teacher of teachers, the educator
of administrators, and the key to a young boy’s education. I could see the gears turning
in the minds of the faculty, the lights going on behind their eyes. It was a wave of
understanding, and the response to my lecture was almost immediate—in the space of
perhaps an hour, administrators who had completely refused the idea of a 504 were eager
to sit down and properly hash out a plan to put the boy on track.
The transition to adulthood is little more and nothing less than a slow process of
taking on responsibilities, one-by-one, until the world acknowledges your capacity to
contribute. An adult is defined by their ability to do for others as well as for themselves,
so it wasn’t until I took to advocating for others that the scales I had been shedding came
loose, the shredded leather torn away in the strong winter winds to reveal the woman
beneath.
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