Some Quick Tips For Writing Scripts

1.  1 Page=1 Minute

     When you write a script, whether for stage or podcast or screenplay or teleplay, the given rule is that one page of dialogue, properly spaced, will yield one minute of stage or screen time.  If there's a good deal of action going on, or the page is full of three-word quips it'll be longer or shorter of course, but generally speaking those instances tend to balance each other out.
     If it's a full page of monologing though, as is the case with something like an audio book or a one-man podcast, my experience is that it tends to be closer to three minutes per page.

2.  Keep An Eye on Length

     There's a reason vines are six seconds; that's the length of a vine.  Vines are like visual haikus, an artform built up around limitations and how to make the best of them.  If you're writing a script for a vine, it's probably only going to be a page long at the most.  If you're writing a short film, it could be two to ten pages long, and if you're writing a full out musical it's probably going to be at least nintey pages, if not more so.
     Know your genre, know your limitations.  Most of the time, people prefer scripts that are sixty-to-ninety minutes for full plays and movies, a hundred and twenty tops, and while I'm certainly not going to hold you to that a hundred percent of the time (Les Mis is like four hours long, The Sound of Music is three and a half, and the first play I ever wrote was a resounding five hundred pages long so I'm one to talk), it's good to keep in mind what you should probably be aiming for.

3.  Write It How It Makes Sense--Format Later

     Formatting with scripts frustrates me.  Primarily because no one uses the American formatting for their finished copies, it's all done with the UK style, yet we're expected to submit using American and--blagh!  Blargh, I say, blargh!
     Regardless, while you'll eventually get the hang of formatting, when you're starting out, write it how it makes sense to you.  As long as it flows smoothly, you can bother with the format when you go to submit it.

4.  Read Scripts

     Read a lot.  So many.  Drown in scripts. It's important that you read scripts to see how different playwrights work their magic, and it'll help you figure out what you want with your work.  Are you more of a modern minimalist?  An Arthur Miller expositionist?  A Shakespearean skelenator?  Somewhere in between?  All of the above?
     Reading scripts helps you know what kinds of things to put in the script, too--what works and what doesn't work.

5.  Read It Aloud

     This is important with all your writing, but ESPECIALLY with script writing.  For the love of all your Gods, read your words aloud, get a group of actors together if you can so they can play off each other.  More than with any other written piece, a script needs to flow, it needs to sound natural in the mouths of the speakers.  It can look beautiful on paper, but that won't do you any good once it's in the mouths of your actors.

     Now go forth, my burgeoning playwrights, and bring your dreams to life!

Maggie C's 7 Commandments For Writing Diversity

     White cisheteronormative wealthy able-bodied, neurotypical males; we all know how to write 'em and they're not hard.  They're literally the most vanilla character to write and read about, and yet we keep cranking 'em out like they're Mountain Dew and we're Bros and/or emotional teenagers dealing with their problems by self-medicating with sugary beverages in an effort to not completely destroy themselves while they self-destruct.
     And I get it.  Writing diverse characters is a scary prospect.  It's not as difficult as we make it seem when we talk about it--it's work, yes, but it's not like you're driving screw drivers into your eyeballs in an effort to excise your spleen.  You're writing about a person.  And writing about people is kind of your job, friend.
     I don't pretend to have all the answers.  I'm an eighteen-year-old with no current profession pursuing an education and career in the arts.  What I have to offer are my own life experiences, the research I've done, and fifteen or so years of experience writing fiction.  I'm not perfect, and I can only do so much.
     But diversity in fiction is important to me.  It's supposed to be the goal of an artist to reflect real life, to, as Shakespeare hath proclaimed, "hold as 'twere the mirror up to nature, to show virtue her feature, scorn her own image, and the very age and body of the time his form and pressure."
     Modern art doesn't even reflect half of the human experience.  It's white-washed and full of narratives about the wealthy and/or middle class, usually about men trying to succeed and/or get their dicks wet.  When women are included, it's usually as props, or as thin paper creatures that don't really know what they want until a man comes and tells her; when LGBTQ characters are involved, it's usually G, sometimes L, and the entire narrative typically revolves around how difficult it is to be queer, or else they become a stereotypical gag; when a person of color is included, they usually have few speaking lines, or are also stereotypes; when a person with disabilities is included, it's either a cure narrative or an acceptance narrative or a pity-me narrative, and they're usually a stereotype.  By and large, diverse fiction these days is largely made up of stereotypes people pass off as characters to try and reach some sort of quota, and it's not good enough.
     I've been writing fiction featuring diverse protagonists since I was eleven.  I've learned a lot, I've unlearned a lot, I've done a lot of research, I've done a lot of research that negated that research, I've done a lot of researched that negated the negation of that research--and I've come to develop a personal code to write by, compiled here for the first time ever.
     Maggie's Laws of Fiction Diversification:

6.  Thou Shalt Never Assume That You Know Everything: Do Your Research

     Never assume that you're qualified to write a story about someone or something you don't fully understand.  Even if you think you understand it, do some research; trust me, you'll benefit.  Find some surveys, get books out at the library, read articles online, binge relevant tv shows on Netflix, spend hours scanning relevant pages on Wikipedia and eye-guzzling related tropes on tvtropes; the more you can take in, the better equipped you'll be, and the closer to the source these things are, the better.
     Read articles straight people write about the gay experience, sure, that'll help you write relationships between gay and straight people, but always give more credence to first-person reports, because in the end, no one knows something as well as the one who's lived it.  Abled people can totally understand and sympathize with disabled experiences--they just usually don't, and they'll never be as intimately familiar with the teeter-totter of acceptance and resentment, or societal stigma, or the physical/emotional sensations as someone who's lived it.  Any source is valuable, if only because it gives you some idea of how different people see the issue in question, but some are more credible than others.
     And no, that stuff you learned in school about the Civil Rights movement is not enough; I could go on forever about subpar nature of the public school system, but suffice it to say you have an internet, so use it.

5.  Thou Shall Ask Questions; Get Involved

     Routinely ask yourself questions as you write; is this respectful?  Is this accurate?  Does my research support this?  What do other people think?  Is this portrayal stereotypical?  Is this stereotype justifiable, or would people take offense?  Don't be afraid to reach out to people who know what they're talking about and ask questions or contribute to discussion; follow @WeNeedDiverseBooks on Twitter, or keep an eye out for the #DisChat tag, follow authors that frequently discuss life as a marginalized person, and don't be afraid to DM someone from an advice blog or an advocate who welcomes questions (such as myself).

4.  Thou Shall Get Betas

     Okay, so you did a great job, you used your research, you asked questions, that's wonderful; now get Betas that belong to the groups you've casted your characters into.  You protagonist is a black paraplegic?  You should have both black and disabled CPs/Betas, paraplegic if at all possible.  You may not be able to find a beta or CP for every demographic you cover, but the closer you can get, the better--and absolutely do not assume that you don't need this step.  You can do all the research, avoid stereotypes like the plague, and still make a mistake--it could be something simple and stupid, a mistranslation of a language you don't really speak, you used the name of the wrong tribe, you used a term or grammatical structure that only seems offensive to the people to whom it would actually refer.
     There are a lot of things you can get wrong and never realize, and a lot of other people might not realize either--which is why it's important to fix them before your MS goes anywhere near print.  Just because most people won't notice doesn't mean it's okay not to fix it.
     Make sure the right people are betaing your work.

3.  You Will Get It Wrong

     It's inevitable.  No matter how much you rake over that MS with a fine-toothed comb, you're gonna fuck it up somewhere along the line.  It's inevitable.  That's why we have CPs and Betas and Editors and Agents and more Editors and Publishers and more Editors; humans err.  That's kind of our thing, and it's to be expected.
     You're gonna fuck up.  Just like I fucked up the 10 Commandments theme right here right now.  That's life.  Sometimes you screw the pooch.
     Don't let it get to you.  Don't let it scare you.  Every mistake is something to learn from, a lesson you needed but just got a little late, and it's okay.  As long as you don't close yourself off and insist that you're infallible, things will be okay; you'll figure out where you went wrong, apologize to whoever you offended, and get it right the next time.
     Also:  If you've done the research and you did your best, anyone who screams at you for making a mistake isn't worth your time.  Listen to the people who critique your work, but don't bother trying to please everybody because

2.  Someone Will Always Be Offended

     There was that "Trans-Ginger" episode of South Park a while back that stirred up quite a controversy; I knew a lot of trans people who were really pissed off about it, but I also knew some who were really pleased with the way it turned out.  Likewise, I'm sure there were people who were offended by the South Park episode featuring Tourette's, but I personally have found it to be the most accurate depiction on television I've ever seen.
     I've also seen a number of cases where people were offended by someone's story only for it to come out that the experiences of the marginalized character were based off of the experiences of the like-marginalized author.  Actually, that one's not uncommon--I can't tell you how many times I've seen long, drawn-out arguments on Twitter break out because so many people don't want to hear autistic stories written by autistic authors.
     Point is: there's always going to be someone who likes what you write, no matter how terrible, and no matter how factually and emotionally accurate, there will always be someone who takes offense.  You can't let it get to you.  Consider the reactions of your audience, take them into consideration, ask yourself if you could have done better, but if you honestly wouldn't change a thing?  Don't sweat it.
     I, for one, fully expect people to be offended by the way I write characters based off myself.  I certainly won't like it, but I expect it.  That's how the internet often works these days.

1.  Everyone is human

     As I see it, this is the most important thing to remember when writing diversity--no matter who they are, no matter what they look like, no matter where they come from or what their motivations or limitations are, this character you've chosen to create is a human being.  They have thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams; they are three dimensional, with hobbies and passions and friends and complex relationships with those friends or families and hopes and dreams; they're the best at something, they're the worst at something, they're decent at some stuff, they're bad at other stuff, they have things they do for profit and things they do for others and things they do just because it makes them happy, they have virtues and vices, talking points and flaws.
     Your characters are not just what makes them diverse, and forming their entire arc around that one (or those multiple) thing(s) is a failure on your part as a writer to impart life into your character.
     Before anything and everything else, I make sure that my characters are three dimensional; the rest will follow.  People are people are people are people, and that's what it all comes down to.  You might get things wrong--your research might be from the wrong sources, you might have conflated two groups on accident, you might have played into stereotypes without realizing it, and if that's so, you fix it--if you can--and apologize and learn from that mistake; you make better decisions next time.  But at least you'll know that you created something real.  Maybe not perfect, maybe not fully accurate, maybe not what everyone wanted!  But you didn't steal away anyone's humanity in the process.

0.  Do No Harm

     I don't do stereotypes; I don't half-ass my research; I don't pin "types" into certain categories, and I try my damnedest to make sure that I'm not accidentally demonizing diversity (and since I have a soft spot for writing objectively terrible, immoral, and amoral protagonists, I have my work cut out for me) or giving in to harmful tropes and plots.
     As writers, we have an obligation to be honest and hard-working, well-researched and goodwilled, because artists determine the fate of mankind.  That may seem a little overdramatic, and maybe it is, but who would you say has been most influential to you over the course of your life?  After your parents (for good or for ill) and possibly your siblings or extended kin, it's probably an artist--a writer, a movie-star, a photographer, a director, a comedian.  Artists have immense power in this world--we are the voices children are listening to, we are the modern philosophers.  Science teaches kids the how and the what; we deal with the whys.
     Doctors and psychologists take an oath to Do No Harm, and it's my firm belief that it's our job to do the same.  We can't promise we won't accidentally do harm, but we should strive, at all times, to make sure we aren't making life hard for ourselves, our kith, our kin.
     Art is exceedingly influential, and we should never use that influence for evil.

Fixing Talking Head Syndrome

What it is:

     "Talking Head Syndrome," as it's known in literary circles, is a condition characterized by the metaphorical detachment of your character from a physical form during dialogue or monologues, especially if world-building or info-dumping is involved.  Essentially, the monologue or dialogue goes on for so long with so few indicators of what's actually happening in the scene that the reader gets lost and confused and, worst of all, bored.

Why it's bad:

     Talking Head Syndrome results in a couple different things, but most importantly, it's boring.
     When THS creeps in, all that's left is words, words, words--words that usually aren't that interesting, don't hold our attention, and make us want to skip over everything to get back to the action.  We lose track of what's going on with the characters, where they are physically, emotionally, etc, and you lose opportunities to really get in touch with the character, advance the plot further, or entertain the audience.

How to fix it:

     There are a couple things you can do to try to cure your MS of Talking Head Syndrome.

• Action Tags:  Action tags are essentially what they sound like; the action that goes on during and between dialogue, and they might be the simplest way to cure your THS.  Instead of saying, "she said," which is a dialogue tag, you cap the end of a sentence (or interrupt the sentence, when it flows that way) with action.  

  For example, instead of, "'I hate this,' she said," you'd use, "'I hate you.'  She put down the clock and crossed to Henry.  

  This is a relatively quick way to let your reader know what's going on while your characters are chatting, which, when done right, won't interrupt the conversation and will keep the details clear in your audience's heads.  Plus, it's more interesting to read.
• Dialogue Tags:  Dialogue tags ("she said," "he asked," "they inquired," etc) are the Action Tag's annoying cousin.  A necessary cousin, who isn't always annoying, but can be.  These don't help terribly much with THS (you can load your MS up with them and still have talking heads as far as the eye can see), but they do help the reader keep track of who's speaking at any given time.  And not knowing who's speaking is a dangerous side effect of THS.
• Slash and Burn:  Another solution is to cut down your dia/monologues.  Instead of having those long-winded passages of speech that take up six pages, you can make it more of a back-and-forth to break it down into more manageable chunks, which can help create space for action and narration.

      Talking Head Syndrome is tricky; it's one of those issues that just keeps coming back around and around and around.  I'm 99.99999% certain that there are talking heads somewhere in your first draft, because it's endemic, and it's natural; when you get in the dialogue flow it's hard to break out of it.  It's not spilled milk, it's nothing to cry about, just try to keep things interesting, and remember to balance your dialogue, action, and narration, lest you end up with more of a play than a novel.

The Rajaqweet: Up and Kicking!

     As of last week, as promised, The Rajaqweet is up!  


















A proper banner will be crafted as soon as I can get to it, but in the meantime there's this.  As mentioned before, The Rajaqweet is a thrice-weekly-updating webcomic about immortal universe-hopping aliens, the species they've conquered, and what happens when those species revolt.
     The greater comic that is The Rajaqweet is composed of the three following arcs:

Hail To The Noose:  Updating Mondays, Hail To The Noose follows a Rajaqweet enforcer of the law of His Badass Glorification as she seeks to bring order to an unruly newly-conquered planet called Ceril, and to dispose of any traitorous scum she might come across while there.

Hiding Heinrik:  Updating Wednesdays, Hiding Heinrik is about Mav, Mave, Desna, Fera, and X, a bunch of queer kids (where 'kids' is a relative term, seeing as they're all in their twenties) who somehow find themselves harboring an alien refugee from both shady government agencies and the Rajaqweet  he was running from to begin with.  Hijinks ensue.

Shithouse Maggots:  Updating Fridays, Shithouse Maggots begins with Sklor, a Rajaqweet Conqueror, being put on a new assignment a little earlier than she expected, much to her distaste.  It's a crummy little planet called Earth, and it shouldn't take too long to grind it beneath her heel--except that her Enabler is the worst in the world, and he's making her infiltrate the planet from the ground up.  Oh yeah, and those little tiny humans, the ones that are squishy and don't have all their teeth yet?  She now has two.
     Thanks Fearlobe.

The Rajaqweet can be found on both Tumblr and on Tapastic.

Bloody, Bold, Irresolute: Late, But Live!

     Due to some unforeseen technical errors (namely, the internet connection in V101 is the absolute worst), I was unable to post the first episode of Bloody, Bold, Irresolute last night, as I had promised.
     The good news is, it's up now!
     You can listen to it on soundcloud for now, and it will soon also be available on the Bloody, Bold, Irresolute Tumblr.
     In case you missed it, this was the summary for the Bloody, Bold, Irresolute podcast:


​     Wintergreen is legally dead.  And illegally living in what used to be a carpet warehouse within what is now Eastern Deserted Daylark with her best friend and caretaker, Aiden, and the many Droids she's built over the years.  She's a Scorpio; an albino; a genius with technology that's out of this world.
     And she's also the first superhero the world has thus far seen.
     Taking to the crime-infested streets of Daylark, New York, Wintergreen spends her days kicking ass, inventing, maintaining those inventions, and attempting to unravel time and space itself with whatever meager (and subpar) materials she can scrounge up from the nearest dump.  For the time being, she's perfectly content to be Daylark's dirty little secret; it's easier to stay dead that way.  Sure, everyone in Daylark recognizes her, knows what she does, but the people of Daylark also don't ask many questions concerning the past.
     But then enters The Labrynth (who refuses to allow his name to be spelled any other way):  He's also legally dead, but unlike Wintergreen, isn't content to blend into the background of a ramshackle town for the rest of his days on Earth.  Aided by Hydra, his tigress companion, The Labrynth has big plans to lay the world at their feet and polish it until it shines--plans which happen to involve a lot of stealing and murder and, well, what the people of the twenty-first century would have called "terrorism."  
     When he makes his debut in Daylark, Wintergreen is, of course, thrilled at the prospect of a challenge, and the two quickly strike up a bitter rivalry.  
     But with the challenge comes a level of public recognition Wintergreen had neither wanted nor planned for, and with that, a slew of villains and heroes she never could have anticipated, none of whom even comes close to usurping her in the public's eye--you never forget your first, after all.  
     Will Wintergreen ever be able to fade back into the anonymity she prefers?  Will she be able to kill The Labrynth before he kills her?  And who is this "Delude" figure that's the new talk of the criminal underground?  
     Aiden, at least, hopes that Wintergreen will be around long enough to find out.

Cheating Your Way To A NaNo Win, Part 2

     The other day I wrote a post about how to cheat your way through NaNoWriMo.
     Keeping in mind that these things will not necessarily make you a good NaNo novel, or even a finished NaNo novel, just a longer NaNo novel, here's some more cheat codes!


6.  What is your character thinking?

     That long bit of narration and headwork that you know is bad writing, and if ever published would rival the likes of even Twilight?  You know the one.  Where your character goes off on a long rant about how pretty it is out, and how much he likes flowers, or whether he's really in love with Billy the Cheerleader or Mandy the Jock, or if he's going to risk buying some edibles from Cynthia and Harlan Mayweather, because yeah, obviously they make the best stuff in town, but their mother is sort of the evil overlord of earth and she has this really strict policy against drugs that Cynthia and Harlan probably only get away with because of nepotism....
     That one?  It goes nowhere, it's not entertaining, it contributes nothing, you could more concisely convey the same information in like two sentences tops?
     Slap that bad boy down as drawn-out and useless as you like, my friend.  First drafts are for play, final drafts are for serious work.  Treat it like a free-write, like I just did up there; just set your fingers to the keyboard and let 'em fly!  No one will know the difference.
     Except for you, you dirty, dirty cheater.

7.  Lavish description

     Explain to me what the set looks like in vivid detail, tell me the exact shade of every single hair on the hero's head, and name every solitary scent in the princess's perfume; leave nothing unsaid, and employ every single last sense, even the extra ones!  Come on, it'll be fun!
     .... for you.
     Look, description for the sake of description?  As a reader, not my cup of tea.  But because it's not my cup of tea, as a writer I tend to under-dress my sets, which is great for the stage, where creative directors want to have all the leeway they can get, but for novels that makes it difficult to keep the reader interested--you risk having talking heads and bland settings.
     It's just so damn easy to overdo it, though--so don't even worry about it.  Just overdo it right from the start, all the words you want, all the description you like.  Then deal with the merciless cutting and hacking later, like with everything else on this list.

8.  Long dialogue

     Now, it helps if your characters are witty.  I know my characters having humorous back-and-forths about innocuous things (at least, innocuous to them) had to have made up at least a third of my NaNo Novel last year--my characters were funny, and if they wanted to show it off, who was I to stop them?
     I also delivered a lot of exposition through dialogue, which can also boost word count depending on how it's done, but witty dialogue is probably the best for boosting word count--even if it's just the characters thinking that they're witty.  Sometimes the more so, even, because people thinking they're witty tend to stumble and need correcting more often than others.
     You can also employ speech patterns to your advantage--in one of my WIPs from a while back a few of my characters have a habit of saying one another's names as a method of establishing dominance in a conversation, and I've had a character or two who liked to loop themselves around in webs of metaphor or simile, or who just plain liked run-on sentences (for whatever weird, totally not based-on-a-real-person reasons).
     As long as you keep those characters talking, your word count will keep climbing.  BUT....

9.  Try to avoid floating heads, but don't bite yourself if you can't

     Talking heads are terrible for a whole host of reasons I'll probably get into at some other time, but for now just know that a talking head occurs in a story when a character, or several characters, talks for an extended length of time with very few or no dialogue or action tags--so for six pages on end, there's just talk talk talk blather blather blather.
     And I get why--I've certainly done it before, it's easy, it just keeps flowing and flowing and flowing, and once you hit that speech rhythm it's hard to stop!--but talking heads are secretly killing your word count.  For every three spoken words you could be piling up a fourth outside of the quotation marks, just hanging out, relaxing, maxing all cool and the like; having your character perform actions as they speak will not only make your scene a million times more relevant/interesting, but it will also make that word count skyrocket, and, my good man or woman or nonbinary or genderless individual, I do believe that is why you are here.
     And this one's not even a cheat!  Totally legal.

10.  Include needless scenes if need be

     Much like those rambling headspace dealies, if there's a scene you know will never, ever make it into your finished novel, but you're running out of options?  Toss it in there.  Is it an AU fanfic of the story?  In fact, is it a fanfic of any type?  Did you write a poem or a short story?  Do you have less respect for the novel in and of itself than for the creativity upon which NaNo was founded?  Then toss it the fuck in, my friend!
     Tons of people do this--rather than attempt to write a novel this upcoming NaNo, a lot of people will attempt to slap down 50k in blog posts, in short stories, in poems, in paperwork, in scattered bits and pieces of whatever they can write in a month, because to a lot of people, NaNoWriMo is less about the novels than it is about the creativity and the community and the kinship you find within those thirty days.  NaNoWriMo is about more than writing novels, guys; it's about using the constraints of time to accomplish a creative goal, with an army of like-minded individuals to back you up.
     So maybe finishing your novel isn't going to be what's up this NaNo, but creativity will be, and part of creativity is knowing when to adapt your goals and the methods you use to get to them.
     Maybe that means using this list of technically-not-really-cheats to flesh out your word count for your novel; maybe that means writing at certain times of the day when you know you're at your creative peak.
     Or maybe it means deciding that a novel was never the real goal in the first place.

     Happy NaNoing my friends!  ... Even if it is February....

How to Cheat Your Way to a NaNoWriMo Win

     *GASP!*  Cheat on NaNoWriMo!?
     Now before I launch into this bad boy saddles a-burning, let me just say that the use of these tactics is not going to necessarily net you a good NaNo novel, or even a finished NaNo novel, but it will help you up your word count, and who knows, using some of these tactics might help you flesh out the story in your own mind, if nothing else.
     Just remember that once all is said and done and you have a finished novel in your hands, you're going to want to litter the cutting-room floor, probably in a pretty major way.
     SO, now that that's out of the way.....

1.  Adverbs and adjectives

     Adverbs are the little things that modify verbs, which everyone and her sister will tell you is Bad Writing™.  Usually they're words with "ly" at the end, like "clearly" or "slowly."  Adjectives are the same thing, but with nouns, and are usually referred to as descriptor words, ie, "beautiful," "deadly," "shiny," etc.
     Lots of writers will tell you that adverbs and adjectives (but mostly adverbs) are to be cut out of your writing at any and all costs; that's silly, of course.  But it's important not to overuse adverbs or adjectives in your writing, or things can get clunky.  Clunky is what first drafts are all about, though, so if you're looking to bump word count, these guys can help you out, at least temporarily.

2.  Use needlessly complicated sentences

     *sucks breath through teeth*  I really don't recommend this one, I mean... hhhhhh, there's no need to needlessly complicate things, but hey, if Occam's Razer isn't for you, who am I to judge?  Just make sure you simplify things down the road.  And that you do not don't not forget what it was that in the first place you were attempting to try to accomplish.
     (it's your funeral)

3.  Write parts that haven't happened yet

     This one I really do recommend--it's what I do.  When I have an idea for an upcoming scene, instead of risking its loss by waiting until the "appropriate" time to write it, I just type it up right in the document--usually at the top--then later I can copy and paste it into place no problem, and it's not even technically cheating since it was supposed to be in your story all along.


4.  Write parts that won't make it into the final cut

     This gets us back into the pseudo-cheat territory, but it's also something that I do so *applies the fuck-it adjustment* why not share it with the world.
     That scene where those two characters do nothing but banter and chat about stuff that has nothing to do with the story?  The one that you know, just know, even as you write it, is going to end up on the chopping block as soon as you go back to edit?
     Steer into the train crash my friend.  Play chicken with that sucker and watch from an out-of-body experience as you and your car are totally mangled by its twenty-ton onslaught.
     Okay, so that's a bit melodramatic; you aren't going to die.  Not from this, at least.  Probably.  I mean, I'm not a doctor or a lawyer or anything, so anything's possible.  Probably you'll just have some extra words to cut later--maybe a few extra darlings to murder.
     I know you're capable of it, though, you have big, strong arms, and what else would those garden shears be for, we're in the middle of LA for crying out loud!  I'm sure you've done it before.
     Wow, my metaphors are really just running away from me tonight.
     My point is, this is a harmless crime, and can in fact be helpful--sometimes the most telling moments we have are the ones that occur when nothing big or life-altering is happening, the little things we do in the dark that no one will ever know we did.  Sometimes the audience needs to see scenes like that, but a lot of the time it fucks with the pacing or doesn't move anything along, etc, etc, and will ultimately need to be cut; but if it's informed your work on the character, then even being cut out, it has served a very valuable purpose.

5.  When you're stuck, skip ahead and come back later

     Tied into the two above is the age old, "Do It Later" approach.  Which, contrary to what you may suspect, especially since this article is supposed to be all about cheating, is a really solid method; sometimes something with the current portion of the plot or dialogue or what have you is tripping you up, and you just need a breather.  That's life!  Sometimes you just don't have the tools to deal with something in that moment.
     What do you do when that happens?  Well, if you had all the time in the world you might get up, go someplace new, do some research, have an adventure!  But since you're a Writer and are both slave to the written word and to the sacrificial blood oath you made upon avowing to write 50k in 30 days, you don't have time for that.  Probably not the energy, either.  Plus it's cold in November, and it's probably raining today, and all your good coats are still in storage because you don't really want to admit it's winter yet, and....
     You get the picture.
     So one of the best ways to shake it up is to just skip ahead.  Narrow down what's causing the issue and bypass it completely.  Maybe writing a little will shake that crud loose for later, and if not, you can write it during the editing phase, when taking long breaks to stare at your manuscript and scream is considered healthy and reasonable.
     Sometimes you just need to work on something else for a whi


     And then the dreaded corkscrew blunderbussss threw down its MIGHTY HAMMER, and...