Showing posts with label Writers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writers. Show all posts

Monday, February 27, 2017

The Ten Stages of (Publication) Rejection

Rejection Stage 1:


I'm okay, everything is fine, I'll find rep somewhere else


Rejection Stage 2:

                                                        But why didn't they like it



Rejection Stage 3:


                                                           They don't understand it!


                                                   They're so unfair, I worked so hard!

Rejection Stage 4:



                   I'm trash. I'm shit, I'm a terrible writer, I'm not even human why should I try anymore

Rejection Stage 5:



I WILL CUT AND BURN YOU UNTIL YOU SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DOITSU GOD DAMN IT

Rejection Stage 6:


                                                                               y this

Rejection Stage 7:


                                                                              Sleep

Rejection Stage 8:


                                      Did I write this poorly, or was it just not up to their tastes?


Rejection Stage 9:


             Cheetos and Ginger Ale and Comfort Writing ab something else to rinse the taste away

Rejection Stage 10:



                                                             Reluctant acceptance.  

                                                  Time to move on and try again.

Monday, October 24, 2016

4 Lies You Tell Yourself During NaNoWriMo

     With NaNoWriMo just eight days away, I decided to kick off my writing blog's re-activation with a post about the self-same!  Buckle your seatbelts kids, 'cause today I take off the training wheels and give you a taste of what it's like to be a big boy!  These are 4 lies you tell yourself during NaNoWriMo, and the reasons why they're full of shit.

1.  I'll Do It Later

     Mmmmmm no you won't.

     Listen, I know; I've been there myself.  You insist, "I'll do it later, I promise, I swear," and then it never gets done and you fall asleep and wake up the next morning and groan because oh great, now you've got twice as much to write today as you did yesterday!

     Do it now, while you're thinking about it.  You'll thank yourself later.


2.  I Don't Have Time Today

     Honey, it's November, ain't nobody got time for anything.  It's midterm season, it's holiday season, it's family drama season, everything goes crazy in November and you will never have time.

     So you have to make it.  Stick a knife into your day and carve out the time if you have to, even if it's just five minutes here and fifteen minutes there.  Use your lunch break to get some writing done, you can type or scribble or dictate between bites!  Install Dragon on your phone and talk it through your scenes while you're driving home from work, or walking to school, or tip-tap some paragraphs on your ipad while you ride the bus or train or magical flying kangaroo to whatever the hell it is your afternoon is full of.

     Even if you have to wake up at four in the morning to get those 1,667 words out, you do it.  Because the truth is, you're never going to have time, and life is always going to get in the way.  If you want to win this thing, you need to make your own time, and guard it with your life, the way a dragon hoards gold.  You are a word-dragon, and your story must be told.  ROAR.

3.  It Doesn't Matter/It's Not Important

     Maybe it doesn't matter to your neighbor, or your friends, or even your parents or your wife or your kids or your dog.  Maybe it doesn't matter to anyone else in the entire world, but it matters to you, doesn't it?  It certainly mattered enough for you to make the commitment.

     And you're the only one it has to be important to.  Newsflash:  No one's WIP is ever important to anyone except the person writing it until it's been published.  And once it's published it could be the most important gd book in the entire goddamn world, or at least a super important book to one person, which is just as good.  In fact, your book could be the catalyst that changes someone's entire life, and you just don't know it yet because we're three-dimensional beings passing through the fourth dimension as if it were a linear plane.

     But before that book is published, it needs to be written.  It can't be important if it never exists in the first place.  Except for inside you--you believe it's important, don't you?

     Then write it, damn it.

4.  I'm Too Tired/Hungry/Thirsty, etc

     Me too!  I mean fuck, why am I always tired, amirite?  Is it all my medications?  Or the drugs?  Or the alien probe lodged deep into my hypothalamus?  Who knows!

     But dude, my dude my friend my sweet Florida bucket of orange juice, you need to keep going.  Get those words out, comrade.  Pound them out of the keyboard like you never pounded a keyboard before--and I know about the summer of aught nine, so I have some high expectations from you.

     Seriously though.  I know you're tired, and you need your sleep, you're hungry and you need food, you're thirsty and you need thirty barrels of Irish coffee STAT or you won't be able to stand another second of staring at this too-bright screen and oh god now you've got a migraine and you absolutely cannot work in these conditions, can you?

     Only you can.  Get your food and drink and guzzle and chow down between word sprints--maybe you reward yourself with a bite every fifty words or something.  You can multitask.  As for sleepiness, you can write while you're tired.  It may not be the best thing that ever flew from out your fingers, but sure as heck by gosh by golly, words will appear!  And then you can edit them in January, after you've hit 50k.

     You can write tired, you can write hungry, thirsty, achey, breaky, keyboard-hatey, whatever your current mood and physical condition.  It doesn't have to be gold, it just has to be words.

     "I'm too ___" leads to "I'll do it later," and then we're back at square one and nothing gets done!  Just do what you have to do.  Keep writing, and don't stop; chances are good that no one's keeping track except for you, but you don't want to let yourself down, do you?

     Don't sabotage yourself, pally.  When the bomb drops, you don't want to be the only person you can blame--that one's a bitter pill to swallow, and very large, too.  Don't make me shove it down your throat!

     Just get the words out.  You can do it; I believe in you, and you should believe in you, too.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Fixing Talking Head Syndrome



What it is:

     "Talking Head Syndrome," as it's known in literary circles, is a condition characterized by the metaphorical detachment of your character from a physical form during dialogue or monologues, especially if world-building or info-dumping is involved.  Essentially, the monologue or dialogue goes on for so long with so few indicators of what's actually happening in the scene that the reader gets lost and confused and, worst of all, bored.

Why it's bad:

     Talking Head Syndrome results in a couple different things, but most importantly, it's boring.
     When THS creeps in, all that's left is words, words, words--words that usually aren't that interesting, don't hold our attention, and make us want to skip over everything to get back to the action.  We lose track of what's going on with the characters, where they are physically, emotionally, etc, and you lose opportunities to really get in touch with the character, advance the plot further, or entertain the audience.

How to fix it:

     There are a couple things you can do to try to cure your MS of Talking Head Syndrome.


  • Action Tags:  Action tags are essentially what they sound like; the action that goes on during and between dialogue, and they might be the simplest way to cure your THS.  Instead of saying, "she said," which is a dialogue tag, you cap the end of a sentence (or interrupt the sentence, when it flows that way) with action.  
    For example, instead of, "'I hate this,' she said," you'd use, "'I hate you.'  She put down the clock and crossed to Henry.  
    This is a relatively quick way to let your reader know what's going on while your characters are chatting, which, when done right, won't interrupt the conversation and will keep the details clear in your audience's heads.  Plus, it's more interesting to read.
  • Dialogue Tags:  Dialogue tags ("she said," "he asked," "they inquired," etc) are the Action Tag's annoying cousin.  A necessary cousin, who isn't always annoying, but can be.  These don't help terribly much with THS (you can load your MS up with them and still have talking heads as far as the eye can see), but they do help the reader keep track of who's speaking at any given time.  And not knowing who's speaking is a dangerous side effect of THS.
  • Slash and Burn:  Another solution is to cut down your dia/monologues.  Instead of having those long-winded passages of speech that take up six pages, you can make it more of a back-and-forth to break it down into more manageable chunks, which can help create space for action and narration.
      Talking Head Syndrome is tricky; it's one of those issues that just keeps coming back around and around and around.  I'm 99.99999% certain that there are talking heads somewhere in your first draft, because it's endemic, and it's natural; when you get in the dialogue flow it's hard to break out of it.  It's not spilled milk, it's nothing to cry about, just try to keep things interesting, and remember to balance your dialogue, action, and narration, lest you end up with more of a play than a novel.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

A Writer's Vocabulary: A Balancing Act



     When you're little, teachers stress the importance of building a big vocabulary.  They tell you to search out big words, to fall in love with language, and to make use of it.
     I was already fascinated by words and stories by the time I entered school, so I was well on my way, collecting big words and new ideas as I absorbed story after story at an alarming rate; my brain was a sponge and words were my water.
     I never thought much about the words I used--they came to me as I spoke, and if they were the right words for the situation, I used them.  But I often found myself having to stop and explain what I meant using simpler words--when the words I had used were the simplest I could make them without losing the essence of the statement, it sometimes still wasn't enough!  There were even times where my teachers couldn't understand what I was saying, or where my attempt to answer a teacher's question left the class more dumbfounded than it had been previously.
     These experiences were common all throughout my primary and secondary education, and didn't stop at the schoolhouse doors.  In some ways, the awkwardness of these encounters acted as deterrents, especially in such situations as my intellect became a weapon to be used against me in the mouths of some of my more spiteful peers.  If I had loved words less than I did people, I may have learned to avoid big words altogether, and boxed myself into the little vocabulary that society had prepackaged for me.
     My mother went through similar struggles; as an extremely intelligent and well-read woman by predilection and a Master of Psychology by degree, she, too, had a voluminous vocabulary, which grew each time ours did--she had a great love of learning, which she passed down to myself and my brothers.  But in her workplace, my mother found herself at a disadvantage; with more tools to communicate with her colleagues than her colleagues did with her, she was forced to adapt herself to them, and let go of large portions of her vocabulary for the sake of clarity.
     All this is to say that we live in a society where we are often expected to pitch to the lowest common denominator, which is not always a bad thing; if your communication isn't clear, then it's not doing its job.  Words are there to help us express meaning, not show off.  As writers, this is important to keep in mind, and I've come across many an instructional guide that encourages writers to "dumb down" their writing as well--"Throw away your Thesaurus!" they cry!  "Burn the ten dollar words!"
     There's value to these articles--just as their is value in the request that a Kindergarten teacher not read high school-level stories to their five-year-old students.  It's important not to throw a thesaurus at every sentence in your story; if a small word works, it works, and there's no need to gussy it up.  You don't put on ten pounds of makeup to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, after all.
     But sometimes ten-dollar words are the most effective means of communication:  isn't it much more effective to say "She walked along the parapet" than to try to describe the tiny wall/ridge thing that runs along a rooftop?  Isn't it quicker to say "He performed a simple titration" than to try to explain what a titration is?
     If one word works better than seven, or seventeen, or seventy, then that word may well be the optimal word to use, whether in conversation or in a story--revenant, for example, is a word that's been passed around a lot since the release of that new movie, and very few people would typically be acquainted with the meaning of the word--one who has returned, or is believed to have returned, from the dead.  You could call such a movie "Return of the Dead" or "Dead Man Walking," or "One Who Has Returned From Death," and the simplicity of the words would render the meaning clear to most, if not all, English speakers.
     But they wouldn't have the same tone as The Revenant, would they?
     Sometimes the right word is a big one, sometimes it's a small one.  As a writer, it's your job to figure out which to use, and the more words you know, and the more books you read, the better equipped you'll be to make that call.
      As for the question of whether you'll be understood--people are curious, and people are smart; if your meaning is clear enough, they may pick up on what the word means from context clues.  If not, they can always look it up.  If you write well enough, people with smaller vocabularies will be willing to do the work; Lord knows we readers are willing enough to learn the names of a billion fictional places, people, and things.  And if someone does take your command of the English language as a personal affront, then that's on them, not on you.  You shouldn't throw away hard-won knowledge just because someone else can't be bothered to do a quick Google search.    
     I myself no longer avoid big words, either in real life, or in my writing; I welcome questioning stares and cocked heads as invitations to teach, reveling in the act of facilitating another's learning, and when I write, I will write from myself, using the words that are a part of me to make a tapestry that is wholly my own, neither trying to outsmart nor patronize the audience.
     It's all about the balancing act.  It's silly to gussy up to go to the bathroom, but you shouldn't strip naked as you head out to attend a ball, either.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

3 Things To Help You On Your Blogging Journey



    As I've run this blog, I've been collecting realizations and advice in my brain receptacle deally and, from things others have said and steps that I've undertaken, I've come to recognize a few things.  Here are three of them.


1.  Even if no one asks questions, it's worth it

     My mother recently started a genealogy blog, and for a long time she had trouble understanding that it can take a very long time to build up enough of a following to warrant questions and comments.  As a veteran of the internet myself, I knew going into this that the likelihood that people would comment on my blogs right away (or even within the first few years) was slim.  But even without feedback from the public, blogging is worth the time and effort.
     Chances are good that someone is looking, especially if you're hitting up other forms of social media to get the word out, and even if they weren't, as I've mentioned before, blogging is good for your own sense of accomplishment and the organization of your thoughts.  It's also the first step toward accumulating a following (which agents tend to prefer when choosing clients), and can be used as a credit on your resume if you ever apply for a writing job of some sort.
     Honestly, the more I do it and the more I read about it, blogging is a really awesome thing to do.  Not having any feedback on your work isn't something to worry too much about--if you keep working at it, it'll happen.  Just keep pushing yourself to improve, and keep learning all that you can learn.

2.  An organized blog is an organized mind

     Okay, maybe that's a bit of an overstatement, but as your blog posts start to stack up, it can get harder to find what you're looking for.  "Where's that post I did about Holidays?" you asked yourself, clicking furiously through the pages of your blog.  "I know it's in here, and I can't do this new post without linking to it."
     I'd suggest adding a directory to your blog, and organizing it accordingly--alphabetical, categorical, number of bullets, listicles vs. full articles, the Dewy Decimal system--whatever works for you.
     I'd also suggest adding a page for your published works, once you become so fortunate, or for any other accomplishments you may want the public to know about.  An About Me of some sort can also help people become invested in your story, and encourage them to keep reading.

3.  Respond to trends to increase traffic

     By "trends" I don't mean vampires, werewolves, and wizards (oh my!), but rather trends in the news and on social media.  When there's a spike in talks on diversity, for instance, it might be the time to release that article you've been cooking up about the importance of diversity in fiction.
     Following the news and trends in online discussion is important--you should keep informed on what's going on in the world, and it can help you develop blog ideas when you're low on inspiration.  That's not to say you should try to make a post about something just because it's trending, especially if you don't feel that you have anything to say on the matter, or that you should forestall posting about that topic over there just because it's not in the public eye, but to increase blog traffic, the best time to release a post or tweet (etc.) is when the topic is on top and widespread attention is being paid to it.
   
      Hopefully these have helped you out some.  If you have anything to add, feel free to discuss it below!

Thursday, June 18, 2015

8 Ways To NOT Improve Your Writing



     Your writing is perfect, and you know it.  You're the best of the best, so why try to change it?  Everybody keeps telling you that you need to do this and you need to do that, all so you can improve yourself, but who needs all that?  This post is for those of you who are itching for some advice on how not to improve.  You totally deserve it, you absolutely astonishing maestros de palabras!*

1.  Never do any research

     Research is for lOOOOSEEEeeeerrSSSSS.  Don't know something?  Just make it up!  Who needs to look into it?  Accuracy is boring and stupid and for dumb lame nerds.  You already know everything there is to know, anyway.  Since you're the expert on EVERYTHING, there's no point in wasting HOURS on figuring out the how, why, when, and where, let alone the minute details that can "make or break a novel," whatever THAT means.

2.  Never go past a first draft

     Your instincts are PERFECT, so your first draft is your best draft, hands down.  There's no reason you should EVER edit ANYTHING.  Your spelling errors just add texture, and God knows those missing periods were just a stylistic choice.  Your prose--well that's not even in question, everyone knows it's the BEST. THING. EVARRR.  No improvements needed.

3.  Never accept constructive criticism

     Other people trying to tell you what's best for YOUR book?  Ummmm, yuck.  I mean, as the writer, you know your book better than ANYONE else, right?  So why would anyone else's opinion matter?  That's right, it would not.

4.  Never let anyone else read your work

     Even better, never let anyone look at your book.  If they can't see it, they can't criticize it, right?  It's too good for their dirty eyes, anyway.  Lock your work in a trunk and never let anyone see it, ever.  Maybe one day, hundreds of years from now, an archaeologist will find it hidden in the ruins of your home and finally bring it out into the light of day, once the world is FINALLY advanced enough to appreciate it.

5.  Don't ever go outside your comfort zone

     If you write a really mean red-headed buck-tooth nerd with a heart of gold and guns of steel, why deviate?  Make every protagonist like that.  Hell, make every character like that!  Like writing about haunted mansions?  Make all the settings haunted mansions!  Create a formula you're good at and never deviate at all, ever.  Write the same book over and over.  Can you smell the dough?  I can!

6.  Never read.  Like, ever.

     Reading is for chumps.  Who needs to see how other people have done things when you can just do it yourself?  If you don't know what a cliché looks like, how can you even HAVE one in your story?  Like, duh!  There's NOTHING you need to learn from other styles and techniques, anyway.  As we've established, you're perfect!

7.  Isolate yourself.  Lock yourself up in your home.  Never leave.

     Don't go anywhere.  Don't do anything.  Meet no one, speak to no one, never see the light of day.  Stare at the walls of your office, illuminated only by the screen of your laptop, which possess no phone or internet capabilities.  The world is superfluous.  There exists only the world inside your head.  Your cramped, sweaty little head.

8.  Best of all, just don't write

     The BEST way to not improve your writing is just not to write.  Who needs all that stress, anyway?  Such a bother!  Think of all the TIME you'll save, and all the stasis you'll absorb!  It's just the best way to keep from improving.  What master needs to PROVE they're the master?  ((none of them, that's who))

Keep on keeping wrong, guys!  You've TOTALLY got this!!!


*In case you didn't notice, this is a gag blog; if you plan to improve your writing skills, please do the exact opposite of what's listed here.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Am I Allowed To Write?



     Feeling like we're allowed to write can be hard sometimes, especially for new writers, so today I'm answering a couple commonly-asked questions about what it takes to be a writer (in vivid and graphic detail, of course).

How Old Do I Need To Be to Start Writing?

     Any age, so long as you have at least a basic understanding of language.

Do I Need To Have a Degree to Be a Writer?

     No.  No degree or certificate is necessary; just a love of words.

Do I Need Permission to Write?

     No.

What If I Feel Like I Need Permission?

     Then I am giving you permission.  Now go, friend; write your masterpiece.

But--

     Shhhhhh.  No buts.  Only writing now.

Wait.  I Write!  Am I a Writer?

     Aye, comrade.  Welcome!  May your days be write-tastic and your hard drive never fail!