5 Reasons Your Story Isn't Working

     Sometimes a story just doesn't work.  You're typing along, lalala, story story story, and then suddenly, BAM you hit a wall!  Then it's goodbye story, hell-llo writer's block!
     The first step in getting your story back on track is to figure out why you're stuck.  Here are five reasons you may be having difficulties.

1.  You've lost your passion

     Sometimes the spark just goes away.  You lose interest in whatever gave you the idea for this story in the first place, you realize you don't really want to work with these characters anymore, you start to hate the genre it's in--whatever the reason, you lose the will to keep pushing forward.  When you just plain lose interest, it's hard to reignite it.  You could try reacquainting yourself with your story, reworking the plot, throwing in new characters--or you could put it away for a while and see if it calls out to you again later on.  It may have potential, but maybe your gut is trying to tell you something.

2.  You're using the wrong medium

     Some books are made for a Word document, some for pencil and paper, and some for carving into the cliffside with a rusty spoon.
     Different mediums create different actions, different motions, different moods, all of which affect the way you think about your story.  A slow-paced urban fantasy written in heavy dialect might call for longhand, but a fast-paced passionate science fiction tale might need to be hammered into a keyboard.  Try experimenting with different mediums and see if there's something that clicks.

3.  You're using the wrong narrator

     Your narrator should be in the best position to tell the story--they need not necessarily be the coolest character, the most powerful character, the character who ultimately wins, or even a character at all, but they do need to be in the best place to describe the happenings of tale, which means that if they are a character, they need to be in the thick of the action, or in a position to see the story as it needs to be relayed.  If your narrator is off in the background of the story you really want to tell, you should consider either bringing them closer to the action, or making another character the narrator.
     At the same time, if you need to hold certain information outside of the audience's reach, you need to put the story in the hands of a narrator who will either not know this, or have a good reason for keeping it out of the narrative.

4.  You don't yet have the tools or skills you need

      Sometimes there are more complicated maneuvers that a story necessitates which we don't yet have the experience or finesse to pull off, and that inexperience can drag at the story, sometimes causing the tires to blow or bouncing up to break the windshield.  You might be able to get yourself to the point you need to reach through simply pushing yourself through this story, researching what you need to and putting yourself through writing exercises, but sometimes you need to stop, put this manuscript aside, and let it stew while you build your skill level.

5.  You're not telling the right story

     Sometimes there's a really amazing story embedded in a manuscript--"this galactic war is so fascinating," the reader says, "so why are we spending only three pages looking into it while eight hundred are wasted on a forced and cliched romance?"
     If your story doesn't seem to be working, look it over again.  Is there something more interesting, more enthralling happening behind the scenes?  Does some of your world's history or a character's backstory jump out at you as a better read?  Maybe you need to expand upon that, instead.
     Or maybe there's a completely different story out there, waiting for you to come and claim it.

Valedictory

    I was the Valedictorian of my graduating class, so I figured I'd post my speech.  Here you go!





ValeVictory:

There are a lot of things that I have been

Which I can be no longer;

There are a lot of challenges I’ve overcome

And each has made me stronger.

“Away, away,” the world is calling,

The breeze rebirthing flame;

I go either to sepulchre,

Or glory; legend; fame.

Like flowers we have spent our lives

Bending toward the light

But now like eagles spread our wings

And hasten to find flight;

It hurts to tear our rooting up,

We struggle and we bleed,

And yet we try and try again

For we were never weeds

And our dreams are so much larger than our vascular mistakes

Thus we tear ourselves apart so we can piece ourselves together,

No longer fields of lilies but instead birds of every feather--

There are many things which we have been

Which we can be no longer;

We have been hurt and maimed and killed,

But each death has made us stronger.

So the world calls us away

At the shattering of day

And to answer is to know that we must leave our grief behind

And say goodbye to all we love as ourselves we seek to find.

There will be hunters we must fell

And prey that we must heal--

It’s never been enough to speak

When there was nothing there to feel

And to Roosevelt we owe no debt

Yet we take his words for real--

Yet speaking softly never helped a single bird to rise

So sing your heart out every time you protest some demise.  

But remember here your childhood,

It never really died--

It only faded to a whisper as it curled up inside

The roots which after flood and flame

Should be destroyed, yet still remain.

So there are things that we still are

Which we can be no longer

But there are things that we will be

And one of them is stronger.

Away, away, we fly today,

The eagle still a flower--

We count the months, the weeks, the minutes and the hour

For our minds are gone already from the place where we were born

A foot in this world and the next,

So happy--so forlorn.

From our tearing roots we fly,

Touching wingtips to the sky--

We beat the air with aching hearts,

As bittersweet and dulcettart

We cannot fight the truth--

(And friends, this I must remark,

With a very heavy heart)

With a victoriously vicious cry, sing--

“This is where we start!”

Friends--this. is where we part.

Short Story: One Wish Left

    You turned sixteen yesterday. Your father gave you those new boots you wanted, your mother got you a car, and your favorite uncle sent a dusty old lamp. Dissappointed at first, you had rubbed away the grime before school only to find a genie living within.

     It was the best birthday present ever.

     You've used up two wishes already--one was used ridding you of your allergies, the other to grant you all the wealth you could ever need. Unlike in the movies, there have been no adverse side-effects. No consequences.  Just joy.

     You're on your way to true happiness.

     "One more wish," the genie reminds you, and there's only one more thing you want.

     You close your eyes and bow your head.

     "I wish I was beautiful," you whisper.

     "So it is done," the genie promises with the clap of his hands. There's a chill gust of wind and the lights go out in the bathroom. You stand there in silent darkness for a long time before finally opening your eyes and turning your face upward to the mirror.

     You blink. Reach up and touch your face. Blink again. You can't believe it. You're on the verge of tears.

     You had wished that you were beautiful; the genie had said was done.

     And not a single thing has changed.

Poem: Youth

And she thought she heard love

Whispered on the summer tongues of lilly-pad foxes

With padded feet sleek and wet with the danger of their safety--

But lies do sound so sweet so smooth like milk like honey,

Only Mount Saint Helens erupts with a viscous

Pyroclastic flow that looks so sweet so smooth so beautiful this

Harvest-mooned orange that calls with harmonies she thought that she could sing;

And the Icelanders they walk on lava like the silver Gods we make

Alone like the ice that burns on a planet

A galaxy away--

Yes, she thought she heard love

Whispered on the burning tongues of green pine-cone foxes,

But silver Gods have neon tongues

And there is folly well as beauty in those creatures we call

Young 

3 Strategies To Keep You Writing

     Writing is work, and as with any type of work, different routines work differently for different people--but over the years I've found a number that work for me, and may work for you as well.  These 3 strategies are good for generating ideas, developing your characters, and increasing your word count and quality.

1.  Write in the mornings

     Generally, the later in the day it is the harder it is for us to get our write on.  There's a certain amount of energy we have each day that is expended in every activity, and our creativity sometimes corresponds to this energy--in the morning, we theoretically have the most energy.  Whether this is practically true or not, it generally is true that our minds are clearest in the morning, before we have time to clutter our consciousness with worries and concerns and problems galore.
     If you develop a morning routine in which writing is one of the first things you do, you'll find that you make more progress--you're able to write more words quicker, and the stuff you come up with isn't terrible.  You don't have to spend the rest of the day worrying about it, either--if you accomplish your daily writing goal earlier on it's done and over with, and you can put your mind to other things.  Plus, there's less chance that you'll be too tired by day's end to even get started, which is always at risk; it's really easy to get tired and say "I'll do it tomorrow" (which is, of course, where creativity goes to die).


2.  Tell yourself the story

     When I say "tell yourself the story," I mean out loud--talk to yourself!  Narrate dramatically while you're in the garden or practice dialogue in the shower, act out all the parts if it feels right!  Speaking out loud is how we organize our thoughts.  It helps clear things up and gives a sound and feeling to the language you use.  It also engages a different set of creative pieces in your brain, since you're focused on sound and flow rather than visual appearance; it's like slam poetry, only with prose.
     And don't worry about other people thinking you're crazy.  Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

3.  When you're stuck, write the easy scenes

     I like to write in chronological order.  I usually know about how my endings will turn out, but holding myself back from working on it gives me something to look forward to--an incentive, if you will ("come on, Coates, two hundred more pages and we can write that silky smooth fun part, you can do it!")--but when I get stuck, really, truly stuck, I find it can help to skip around and write the parts of the novel you know will happen, but haven't gotten to yet.  It helps to get the creative juices flowing, and can sometimes reignite your passion for a project you've grown a bit cold for.
     It doesn't have to be perfect or line up with where the story eventually ends up exactly since nothing is perfect in your first draft, but it gets the thoughts out and leaves room for new ones.  They say that while you're working on something your subconscious mind is always trying to solve problems in the background, so this lets you act productive while giving yourself some problem-solving time.
     Plus if tomorrow you come down with amnesia, you'll know what general direction your story is headed in!

     There are millions of writing strategies you can take advantage of, and I encourage you to try as many as possible--what you're doing now may work best, but how will you know until you compare it to what else is out there?  Maybe your current methods actually suck ass, or maybe they've done great for you--but you might still be able to do better!
     What strategies work best for you?

Dynamic vs. Static Protagonists

     In case you forgot about that one English class where your teacher prattled on about the difference between a Static and Dynamic character, a Dynamic character is one who changes throughout the course of the novel, while a Static character is one that doesn't.
     It's a common misconception that a character has to change throughout the course of a novel in order to be the protagonist of said novel.  While it's always nice to see a character growing or devolving, sometimes it isn't necessary; there's a time and a place for everything, and this is no exception.
     So how do you know which approach is best for your book?

1.  What's your genre?

     Obviously, if your genre is bildungsroman, your protagonist is going to have to change throughout the course of the novel (that's essentially the entire point of a bildungsroman--from the Wikipedia page, "In a Bildungsroman, the goal is maturity, and the protagonist achieves it gradually and with difficulty."), but in an action or thriller, a change in your protagonist is anything but required--sometimes having your character change along the way would get in the way of the storyline, or use up too much time we could be using to see anti-heroes wailing on bad guys.  
     Take a look at anything starring Liam Neeson, or any long-standing, episodic or mostly episodic book series (Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Encyclopedia Brown, Sherlock Holmes, The Boxcar--Um.  Huh.  Maybe this is a Mystery Thing, too)--not only does having a static protagonist work, but one could argue that having these characters become dynamic could harm the storyline--Taken is successful because Liam Neeson kills human traffickers, not because his character is interesting or particularly compelling (he's not, he's just JustifiableMurderer!Liam Neeson), and the rest are popular because the same person, or group of people, solve mysteries in a manner which always re-establishes the status quo, meaning that, much like most television shows, they can be read in almost any order with very little background in order to be understood.  
     If you can somehow find a way to go against convention when deciding on whether to make your character dynamic or static, by all means, try--just keep in mind that it can be difficult to pull off, especially when the genre hinges upon change.

2.  As they are at the beginning of your story, can your character overcome what's been placed before them?

     Take a look at your protagonist; who are they at the beginning of your novel?  Now take a look at where you plan to have them end up.  Can they, as they are at the inciting incident, tackle the book's climax and come out with the same result that you intend them to achieve?  Are they strong enough, fast enough, smart enough?  Do they lack dedication or willpower?  Or do they possess too much?  Do they need to crash and burn before they can crawl to the finish line you have devised?
     Take a look at two recent icons of the twenty-first century, Harry Potter and Liam  Neeson's Taken character; at the inciting incident of Taken, when the daughter is stolen, Liam Neeson has everything he needs to destroy the bad guys, namely his ass-kicking skills.  However, upon first receiving his admissions letter Harry Potter, young and ignorant to the ways of magic, has none of the skills necessary to win against Voldemort--or even Quirrel.  Thus, Liam Neeson works as a static protagonist, but Harry Potter, unless he was designed to lose, does not.
     If you don't yet know what the outcome of your ending will be, think of what you do know--
what are their goals and obstacles?  What will they need to overcome them?  Who are their friends?  Do their friends change, and must they change in order to keep up?  Or must they fall behind, and allow their friends to leave?
     What about the antagonist?  Can they beat the antagonist as they are?  Does the antagonist change?  Are they meant to defeat or be defeated?  Is nature one of the antagonists?  Usually when a character goes up against nature, the character is forced to change, since it would take an enormous feat of strength to bend nature to one's whims--strength which few protagonists possess.  However, if nature is controlled by a God with which the protagonist might, as they are, be able to strike a deal with, character change may still be unnecessary.

          Whatever suits your novel best, literature has long been littered with protagonists of both the dynamic and static varieties--whatever is best for your novel is ultimately what should be done.  If you're not sure what that best thing is, you can always ask for advice.  If you absolutely cannot find one way or the other, eenie-meenie-mihnie-moe it and seek the advice of your critique partners once it's finished.  Just don't let anyone tell you that either method is inherently wrong.
     Unless you're trying to turn a bildungsroman protagonist into a static character.  I don't think that can be done (but please correct me if im wrong id love to see how that would work).

Catching and Killing the God-Mod

     Mary Sues, as I have previously discussed, started out as characters that changed the behavior of the universe and characters around them to fit the whim of the author--usually because they're author inserts in the first place.  But since those early days of Star Trek fanfiction, the term Mary Sue has come to represent any character (usually female) who happens to be too perfect, with too few flaws.  Really, the term Mary Sue has evolved to mean a confusing number of things, too numerous to pin down--it now means so much that it means nothing.

     Ignoring for now the original definition of a Mary Sue, I'm going to fixate on "too perfect" characters--Our Aylas, our Supermans, our Eragons, we know the type; over-powered and under-flawed, these are characters who always know what's best, always do what's right, always win, and never have any substantial problems that need more than a few chapters of angst to fix.

     While nothing in writing is inherently bad, these characters are definitely not on the "inherently good" side of the bell curve.  They're not harmful, they don't hurt people--but they're boring.  They bore you absolutely to death.  When your character is overpowered and underflawed, every battle they ever face is going to feel contrived, so nothing is ever going to feel satisfying.

     When I was coming up in the (*shudder* Warriors) role playing ranks, waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy back in 2009, we had a specific name for these characters--we called them "God Mods."  As in, "This character has been modified to assume a God-like status."  Creating or playing a God-Modded character was the act of God-Modding, and made you a God-Modder.

     In role play, this was seen as an unfair advantage, and many site homepages had this among their top three on the list of rules, right up there with no Power Playing.  It could result in penalties as severe as suspension or even banishment.  In writing God-Mods can't get you banned, but they can severely damage the quality of your story.

     While a God-Mod can be an author insert, and can be a Mary Sue as originally described, it may only be an author's favorite character (an "author's baby" gone wrong).  God-Mods tend to be super smart, super attractive, and super important (for no obvious or even tangible reason), and they also tend to have talents and sometimes literal superpowers far surpassing that of other characters within.  Essentially, the God-Mod is the very epitome of in-world perfection.  If they have any flaws at all, they're either informed flaws (flaws which the narrator tells us about, but which we never bear witness to) or "cute"/useful flaws--he's so clumsy it's adorable, teehee, or he has a terrible temper, but only when he's talking to bad guys.

     Just being amazing isn't enough--amazing characters can be plenty overpowered and still manage to register as non-God-Mods, because fully realized characters, super or not, have flaws and limits of both mind and body.  They may be unjustifiably cruel at times, their powers may only work for a small ten-minute window each day, they may not really be able to hear out of their left ear at all, and only have normal (i.e. NOT SUPER) hearing in the right, etc.

     Whatever your character's limits and flaws, abilities and disabilities, they need to be meaningful--your character should be truly, honestly challenged in their endeavors.  The villain should be strong enough to pose a real threat to your hero, and your hero should be flawed enough to make it conceivable that she might fail.  You can't worry about a character if they don't have the capacity to fail, and without worry there's no staying power--no matter how interesting the plot, people won't want to read about how Mister Perfect saved the day as he yawned into his palm just by flicking his perfectly-manicured nails in the villain's general direction.

     Don't let the God Mods win, folks; seek them out and wrangle them in, murder them that they may be reborn into a more imperfect form.  Only then will they truly shine.

Poem: Tracing the Curve

Two women meet at the crux of the stairs,
The younger goes up as the older goes down
And they share a glance that's neither smile nor frown,
Just recognition,
Just chance.

Now they go on their ways,
Drifting slowly apart
As one descends into sleep
And the other loses her heart.

3 Things To Help You On Your Blogging Journey

    As I've run this blog, I've been collecting realizations and advice in my brain receptacle deally and, from things others have said and steps that I've undertaken, I've come to recognize a few things.  Here are three of them.


1.  Even if no one asks questions, it's worth it

     My mother recently started a genealogy blog, and for a long time she had trouble understanding that it can take a very long time to build up enough of a following to warrant questions and comments.  As a veteran of the internet myself, I knew going into this that the likelihood that people would comment on my blogs right away (or even within the first few years) was slim.  But even without feedback from the public, blogging is worth the time and effort.
     Chances are good that someone is looking, especially if you're hitting up other forms of social media to get the word out, and even if they weren't, as I've mentioned before, blogging is good for your own sense of accomplishment and the organization of your thoughts.  It's also the first step toward accumulating a following (which agents tend to prefer when choosing clients), and can be used as a credit on your resume if you ever apply for a writing job of some sort.
     Honestly, the more I do it and the more I read about it, blogging is a really awesome thing to do.  Not having any feedback on your work isn't something to worry too much about--if you keep working at it, it'll happen.  Just keep pushing yourself to improve, and keep learning all that you can learn.

2.  An organized blog is an organized mind

     Okay, maybe that's a bit of an overstatement, but as your blog posts start to stack up, it can get harder to find what you're looking for.  "Where's that post I did about Holidays?" you asked yourself, clicking furiously through the pages of your blog.  "I know it's in here, and I can't do this new post without linking to it."
     I'd suggest adding a directory to your blog, and organizing it accordingly--alphabetical, categorical, number of bullets, listicles vs. full articles, the Dewy Decimal system--whatever works for you.
     I'd also suggest adding a page for your published works, once you become so fortunate, or for any other accomplishments you may want the public to know about.  An About Me of some sort can also help people become invested in your story, and encourage them to keep reading.

3.  Respond to trends to increase traffic

     By "trends" I don't mean vampires, werewolves, and wizards (oh my!), but rather trends in the news and on social media.  When there's a spike in talks on diversity, for instance, it might be the time to release that article you've been cooking up about the importance of diversity in fiction.
     Following the news and trends in online discussion is important--you should keep informed on what's going on in the world, and it can help you develop blog ideas when you're low on inspiration.  That's not to say you should try to make a post about something just because it's trending, especially if you don't feel that you have anything to say on the matter, or that you should forestall posting about that topic over there just because it's not in the public eye, but to increase blog traffic, the best time to release a post or tweet (etc.) is when the topic is on top and widespread attention is being paid to it.

   
      Hopefully these have helped you out some.  If you have anything to add, feel free to discuss it below!

4 Things I've Learned While Blogging

     As of today, this blog has been in-session for exactly one year ((Happy birthday, Blog!)).  While I haven't exactly been as attentive as I should have been (though recently I've been better about making the commitment), I like to think I've learned some things by starting a blog.
     Here are some lessons I may or may not have learned over the course of the last year.  Hopefully they'll help you out on your quest for literary perfection and blogosphere renown.

1.  It's really hard.

     I'm not gr9 at working on command, especially when I feel like I have nothing to say and am working on artificial deadlines.   This last year has been a challenge for me, post-wise, since it's mostly been a long series of me saying, "Here's a thing about writing.  Do I know something about it?  Eh, I'll just bullshit the difference."
     But it's getting easier the more I do it--more ideas are flowing in, I'm getting better at posting once every other day (maybe eventually I'll learn to post on a consistent day of the week but that day is not today, friends), my bullshit becomes learned information, and I find that I might actually have some things worth talking about.
     I guess my point is, if you want to start a blog or have just started one, don't quit after your first dry spell, because the only way it's going to get easier is if you practice.  Don't be afraid; no one really knows what they're doing, anyway.

2.  Your best results come from frequent posting

     This seems like a no-brainer, but it's true!  You don't realize how much momentum goes into the success of your blog, or how hard it is to stay in the swing of things when you take time off, or how long it takes you to regain a following after you've stopped posting for a while.  If you want people to notice you, post frequently--consistently if you can manage it (like I said, I post every other day, but most people suggest choosing three or so days a week, which is probably much less stressful and an easier blog rate to maintain).  But don't sacrifice the quality of your blogs for quantity--that won't help, either.

3.  It helps you organize your thoughts

     You often don't know what you know until you have it tested--whether it's in school, in the field, or when trying to organize your thoughts into a blog post, until you make the effort you may think you know something you actually don't, or think you're clueless when you aren't.  Recently I posted about the importance of Fanfiction, something I'd been thinking about writing for a while.  For years I'd had these thoughts bouncing around in my head, but I'd never had the opportunity to put my feelings into words or organize them into a cohesive unit.  By sitting down and forcing my thoughts into words, I was able to organize my feelings into a cohesive whole.
     My point is: there are things inside you that you may think you don't know, or your mind may be too scattered to make sense of the thoughts you already posses, but if you sit down and work at it you'll uncover the mysteries of your own mind.  In all honestly, I'm fairly certain that blogging is really more of a learning experience than a teaching experience.

4.  The Weekends Are Your Friends

     There have been weekends, recently, where I've written two or three posts, which I have then kept back to use later in the week.  The weekends--or any time off of work/school--are the perfect time for catch-up days and get-ahead hours, just like with your regular writing schedule.
     You don't want to spend your whole weekend in front of the computer, of course, but if you can knock out even as few as one get-ahead posts, it can make the week a lot easier--you never know when you're going to have to spend a few extra hours at work, or if something is going to go horribly wrong.  You could break your toe, your computer could freeze up, you could just be exhausted from the trials of the day.
     Whatever is going on in that crazy life of yours, stocking up on ideas and posts on the weekends is definitely a strategy to keep in your arsenal.


     I hope these have helped you with your blogging journey, comrades.  I plan to continue reporting on the intricacies of the writeblog underworld as I discover more; in the mean time, go out and learn for yourselves--if you have any tips, feel free to share!

8 Ways To NOT Improve Your Writing

     Your writing is perfect, and you know it.  You're the best of the best, so why try to change it?  Everybody keeps telling you that you need to do this and you need to do that, all so you can improve yourself, but who needs all that?  This post is for those of you who are itching for some advice on how not to improve.  You totally deserve it, you absolutely astonishing maestros de palabras!*

1.  Never do any research

     Research is for lOOOOSEEEeeeerrSSSSS.  Don't know something?  Just make it up!  Who needs to look into it?  Accuracy is boring and stupid and for dumb lame nerds.  You already know everything there is to know, anyway.  Since you're the expert on EVERYTHING, there's no point in wasting HOURS on figuring out the how, why, when, and where, let alone the minute details that can "make or break a novel," whatever THAT means.

2.  Never go past a first draft

     Your instincts are PERFECT, so your first draft is your best draft, hands down.  There's no reason you should EVER edit ANYTHING.  Your spelling errors just add texture, and God knows those missing periods were just a stylistic choice.  Your prose--well that's not even in question, everyone knows it's the BEST. THING. EVARRR.  No improvements needed.

3.  Never accept constructive criticism

     Other people trying to tell you what's best for YOUR book?  Ummmm, yuck.  I mean, as the writer, you know your book better than ANYONE else, right?  So why would anyone else's opinion matter?  That's right, it would not.

4.  Never let anyone else read your work

     Even better, never let anyone look at your book.  If they can't see it, they can't criticize it, right?  It's too good for their dirty eyes, anyway.  Lock your work in a trunk and never let anyone see it, ever.  Maybe one day, hundreds of years from now, an archaeologist will find it hidden in the ruins of your home and finally bring it out into the light of day, once the world is FINALLY advanced enough to appreciate it.

5.  Don't ever go outside your comfort zone

     If you write a really mean red-headed buck-tooth nerd with a heart of gold and guns of steel, why deviate?  Make every protagonist like that.  Hell, make every character like that!  Like writing about haunted mansions?  Make all the settings haunted mansions!  Create a formula you're good at and never deviate at all, ever.  Write the same book over and over.  Can you smell the dough?  I can!

6.  Never read.  Like, ever.

     Reading is for chumps.  Who needs to see how other people have done things when you can just do it yourself?  If you don't know what a cliché looks like, how can you even HAVE one in your story?  Like, duh!  There's NOTHING you need to learn from other styles and techniques, anyway.  As we've established, you're perfect!

7.  Isolate yourself.  Lock yourself up in your home.  Never leave.

     Don't go anywhere.  Don't do anything.  Meet no one, speak to no one, never see the light of day.  Stare at the walls of your office, illuminated only by the screen of your laptop, which possess no phone or internet capabilities.  The world is superfluous.  There exists only the world inside your head.  Your cramped, sweaty little head.

8.  Best of all, just don't write

     The BEST way to not improve your writing is just not to write.  Who needs all that stress, anyway?  Such a bother!  Think of all the TIME you'll save, and all the stasis you'll absorb!  It's just the best way to keep from improving.  What master needs to PROVE they're the master?  ((none of them, that's who))

Keep on keeping wrong, guys!  You've TOTALLY got this!!!


*In case you didn't notice, this is a gag blog; if you plan to improve your writing skills, please do the exact opposite of what's listed here.

On Picking A Title

     Choosing a title for your story is a big responsibility.  It's the first thing most people will notice about your book, and, let's face it, when was the last time you picked up a book with a terrible title?  It's hard to sell a thriller novel if it's called "The Wacky Fantastic Journey of Silly Sam and his Funtime Weasels," or a children's novel entitled, "KILLZONE SEVEN:  THE RE-MURDERINATING."
     Titling isn't just as simple as choosing something that sounds nice, either.  You can have a really nice title, and it may not be right for your work, and you can have a very accurately descriptive title, and it might be too clunky--even when you think you've got it all figured out, you might still have some work to do.  It never hurts to take another look!  Here's some of the many, many methods that exist for choosing a title.  (I call it: *Dramatic announcer voice*  LISTICLE 3:  A LIST TO THE LEFT)

I.  Compiling a List

     1.  Isolate the main themes of your story

          What is your story about?  The struggle between good and evil?  The appalling nature of America's treatment of minorities?  The difference between looking both ways before crossing the street and sweet, juicy, death?
          Whatever it is, hunker down and write a list of all the words you can think of that pertain to your theme, even if they're only related tangentially.  Also, write down any symbols that might occur--sometimes great titles can be made of symbolism.  Make the list as long or as short as you want.  Do any words jump out at you?  Any combinations of words?  Write down whatever combinations seem to best describe the story.  Keep those around.  If you're still not sure you like what you have...

     2.  Consider your characters

          If your story is pretty character-driven, you may want to consider using your characters to name it.  You could use a character's name (or several), or you could make another list (it's a list-heavy article.  Strap in, kids, it's gonna be a bullety ride) of words related to your character--traits, triumphs, defeats, arcs, character changes, colors--anything goes!  Then, again, pair things together.  Experiment!  Write your favorites down on your To Seriously Consider List (TSCL).

     3.  Are there any recurring gags or sayings/events that could be used?

          Especially in a humor novel, naming your book after a recurring joke can be a big hit--if you name it after the right one, everyone is going to be associating the line with your book anyway, so why not capitalize on it?  In a more dramatic novel, a particularly striking line from the book, or a common phrase--twisted or played straight (Live and Let Die vs. Catch 22), a certain level of familiarity can catch both the eye and the imagination.  Make another list, then pick your favorites and add them to your TSCL.

     4.  Are there any poems or songs that fit your book?

          I often name my books after fitting song lines or titles--if it fits the book, then most people won't realize, and the ones who do will get a total kick out of it.  Plus sometimes music is the best way to describe a thing.  Throw a few on your TSCL and prepare to examine their worth!

II.  Refining your list

     1.  Take a look at your TSCL.

          You probably have a lot of options left over; first thing's first, go through and divide your titles into the four categories above.  Go down each list and mark them S (strong) M (moderate) and W (weak).  Can you strengthen or save the weaks or moderates?  Get rid of the ones you can't; fix the ones you can.
     Check each list and decide if any of the above methods don't, for whatever reason, fit your story.  Does a song title seem too gimmicky?  Are you adverse to naming a book after a character?  Eliminate categories as you see fit.
          The rest you can eliminate using these criteria:

     2.  Does it fit the tone/genre of your novel?

          I don't go too much off genre conventions myself, but it IS important that you don't confuse your reader--BIG FANTASY NOVEL XXX isn't a title that would grab the attention of a chaste group of sci-fi nerds.
          You also don't want a title that doesn't fit the tone of your novel, and I think this is the big one.  The Grapes of Wrath doesn't sound like a comedy, and Love Story doesn't sound like a book discussing a revolution; if that's what the authors were going for, they would not, by any means, have been as well received as they were.  You may not want the audience to know absolutely everything about your story just from looking at the title, but it's the first step in deciding you want to buy a book, and as such, it should never be a liar.  Rule out anything that doesn't fit.

     3.  Does your title mean something?

          Titles are often most powerful, and have the most staying power, when they possess a double meaning, and can be viewed one way at the beginning of the novel, and another at the end.  It may mean many things, or, as I suggested above, be a literal symbol that appears in your novel.  Of Mice and Men, for instance, is named after a line in a poem--"the best laid plans of Mice and Men often go awry," which relates strongly to the recurring theme of the death of dreams and failure of plans in the figurative wasteland depression-era America was (the entire story is about two men who plan to get the money together to start a farm, only for one of them to SPOILER ALERT end up dead, the other with no will left to start the farm on his own).  But it can also be seen to refer to the relationship between Lennie and the mice--soft, fragile things, which he loves but always kills--a very important element which foreshadows the death of both a puppy and his employer's wife.  These things you realize only as you get deeper and deeper into the novel, but it works.
     Your title doesn't have to have two meanings, but it can definitely add some depth.  Play around with it, see what you can find!

     4.  Don't be afraid to go simple

          sometimes Simple is Best--capitalized and lowercased for emphasis.  Carrie, The Hunger Games, The Hobbit--all very simple, very successful titles.  The big flashy titles are great, and can do a lot to capture a reader's attention, but sometimes it's best to allow the story to speak for itself.  Name it after a character, an in-world social structure or event, a county, a planet, a species--whatever's best for your book.  Sometimes bigger isn't better.

III.  Test Your Title

     1.  Is your title original?

          Take this new and exciting title and slam dunk it into Google or Amazon--if another book comes up by the same name, this probably isn't the title for you.  While it's perfectly legal to use the same name as another book, it's not a good idea just based on the public aspect of it--if the other book is spectacular and has a large fanbase, you wouldn't want your book to be buried under the avalanche of praise for the other book, and if the other one is terrible you don't want its reputation to bring you down.
     It's impossible to be completely original, but you should still do your very best to try.

     2.  Does it fit your story?

         Be honest with yourself; did you choose this because it fits your plot, your characters, your world, or because it sounds cool?  If it's just because it sounds cool, go back to the drawing board--pick one that's cool but actually pertains to the story being told.  Don't lose hope; your title is out there.
          Look again at the tone of your novel.  Make sure it fits--or, if it doesn't, that it's purposeful.  Sometimes a misleading title can work, but only if it's done with a lot of forethought and not by accident.

     3.  Sit on it

          In writing, we spend a lot of time sitting on things.  Literally and figuratively--there's a lot of sitting involved in writing or typing, but you know what I mean.
          When you have a refined list of titles (or just the one), let them stew a while.  Name files after them, jostle them around in your head, reread the story with that title in mind.  After a week or so, you'll probably know whether or not you like it.  Maybe you'll grow attached!
          Whether you become partial to one or still have it up in the air, don't forget to ask yourself;

     4.  Does it resonate with people?

          Pitch your title to your friends and family members, followers, classmates, even strangers.  Ask them their opinions--would they read a book with that title?  At least check the back cover?  Does it stir up any positive or negative emotions?  Do those emotions fit the tone of your book?
          Explain the plot and ask them if they think the title fits.  Do they have any suggestions?  Don't take their critiques to heart, but do take it to mind, especially if they're critique partners or betas--keep a log of what they say, and analyze it to see if you think it holds water.
          Ultimately, this is your decision--NO ONE knows your book better than you.  But it can definitely help to get a fresh perspective.

     Picking titles can be difficult, especially when we think we know what we're doing.  If you find that you've made a mistake with your working title, don't feel bad--I once called a superhero novel about a villain named Labrynth (spelling intentional) and a hero named The Extraterrestrial The Extraterrestrial In The Labrynth for a year while I wrote it, because until I had finished it, read through it three different times, and given serious thought to the plot, it seemed like a good idea.
     It can take a lot of time and effort, but landing on a good title is worth it--for you, if for no one else.  It can help pull a book together, give it a sense of identity--it's no longer that novel I've been working on--It's The Great Capibara Adventure, The Amazing Trimalchio, Escape From Calcutta! A good title can even be the difference between an agent's desk and the slop pile.
     If you've already spent ten thousand hours putting your book together word by word and edit by rewrite, don't you think it deserves that extra 5-10?  Every story wants to be finished.  Let yours live its dream.

#SueQuest: Questioning The Validity of Mary Sue

     The other day, trying to find a control to use for The Mary Sue Litmus Test (for the sake of a blog post, you see), I asked my friend Rebekah if I could use her, thinking that she, a real person, couldn't possibly test positive for Mary Sue.  I started asking questions, and Rebekah and I ended up turning it into something of a game, then into a livetweet session, which we lovingly entitled #SueQuest. 

     But the more questions we answered, the more it seemed like my friend truly was a Mary Sue--something straight out of a bad high school drama, almost.  Even with a metric fuckload of desuifers, she ended up scoring a forty-five--five points away from "BURN IT AND RUN!" territory!

     It seemed hilarious, of course, but it really got me thinking.  Thus, I tested myself--and I also came out a Mary Sue, with 43 points of Sueness!   And this is without answering any of the "Is this character named after you?" type questions.  In fact, the only person I tested who didn't end up a Mary Sue was my dog, Amy--and she still had 27 points, placing her in the "be very careful" range.
 

She is little more than a very tiny bug.

     I'm not about to say that this means anything--certainly not anything concerning Syera Miktayee, whose website I enjoy and frequent quite...um....frequent...ly.  Shut up.  It's not like it's just this one test--Rebekah and I came up a Mary Sue on every test I could find.

     But it does remind me of a few posts by the women down at Rewriting Mary Sue, and some points that have been made--how the term Mary Sue began as a term for bad fanfiction author inserts who bent the entire fabric of the universe to their whim so that things would turn out well for them; for whom there was never any question of winning, for whom the best always occurred, the worst flitting through only briefly, trivially, and with great contrivance; but how it has now come to mean any character who happens to have too much power or be too good at too many things--and the fact that the term is disproportionately leveled against females.

     As Jenn Lyons pointed out in one of the above links, male characters have to be so Mary Sue that they're freaking SUPERMAN before anyone will call them a Mary Sue--or Gary Stu, if you prefer the more masculine term.  When a man is Batman, he's Batman; when a woman is Batman, she tends to get slapped with a citation.

     One of our goals as writers is to create realistic, three dimensional characters that still manage to be out-of-this-world fantastic--most of us don't read superhero stories to see how regular "normal" people are processing the events.  We read superhero stories to watch people with amazing abilities overcome impossible odds using their incredible talents!

     But how can we ever expect to see realistic, three-dimensional characters if two American teenagers from the real world (without superpowers, I might add) register as Mary Sue right off the bat?  I definitely agree that characters who bend the world to their whims are a problem, as are overpowered, unflawed characters (though the term for this, I was originally taught, is God-Modded), but I think this is something definitely worth considering the next time you decide to trash a Mary Sue.  Do you have a problem with this character because she doesn't have realistic flaws, because she makes things stop making sense?  Or do you dislike her because you think she's too smart and too beautiful and too talented all at the same time?  There's an expectation in society that women are to be only one or two of these, never three, and never, ever any more than that.

     If you're ever in doubt, play the sex-swap game; if you make this character a man, do you have the same reaction?  If you compared her to a male superhero, how does she rank?  Is she really as bad as Superman?  Or are you just upset that this portrayal of a woman is going against the grain of the stereotypes you've been taught to separate them into?

     I encourage you all to play the #SueQuest game; test yourself, your friends, your family--just don't forget to tag it if you do, so I can see what your outcomes are!  What are your thoughts on Mary Sues?  Feel free to discuss your Sue Views or deconstruct some characters in the comments section!

Am I Allowed To Write?

     Feeling like we're allowed to write can be hard sometimes, especially for new writers, so today I'm answering a couple commonly-asked questions about what it takes to be a writer (in vivid and graphic detail, of course).

How Old Do I Need To Be to Start Writing?

     Any age, so long as you have at least a basic understanding of language.

Do I Need To Have a Degree to Be a Writer?

     No.  No degree or certificate is necessary; just a love of words.

Do I Need Permission to Write?

     No.

What If I Feel Like I Need Permission?

     Then I am giving you permission.  Now go, friend; write your masterpiece.

But--

     Shhhhhh.  No buts.  Only writing now.

Wait.  I Write!  Am I a Writer?

     Aye, comrade.  Welcome!  May your days be write-tastic and your hard drive never fail!

The Importance of Fanfiction

   The first story I ever wrote was called "The Hecatense Goose;" I was three and could neither read nor write, so my mother wrote it down and it was eventually lost.  I have no idea what the story was about.
     But my second story was a series of scribbles that told a tale of Peter Pan's post-Hook adventures, and my third was a sequel to the then-unfinished Series of Unfortunate Events books.  At the time I did not, of course, know anything about fanfiction or copywright laws, but since then I've done a lot of growing as a writer--yet still fanfiction calls to me.
     It's a polarizing issue.  As a once-B-rated-star of the Megamind fandom, I am very biased in favor of fanfiction, because it's fun, it's flattering (I can't think of anything better than having such a wide fan base that they take inspiration from and write about your world and characters!  How great would that be??  ((Super great is how))), and reading/writing it can help you grow as a writer.
     Here are a few ways it's beneficial to a writer.

     Fanfiction can....


1.  Be great place to start

     At any level of writing skill fanfiction is great practice, but it's especially good for beginners, since it allows you to create stories with pre-established characters in a pre-established world, often in a pre-established style, which gets you comfortable with developing plot, using detail to your advantage, and using correct grammar, spelling, punctuation, and format.
     Once you're comfortable with the writing basics, it's easy to rocket through the ranks, stepping up one rung at a time rather than going in all at once--you start deviating in style, then move the characters from one world to another, and finally start creating OCs (usually either using author inserts or child-of-PC characters at first).  Before you know it, you're creating fanfiction that's only tangentially related to the original story--sometimes barely related at all.
     When writing original content there's a very sharp learning curve--you essentially go from zero to three-sixty in nothing flat, but fanfiction allows you to build at a pace you're comfortable with, without feeling pressured to be your best most original self right off the bat.

2.  Offer a source of feedback

     One great thing about fanfiction is that, at least when published online, it offers you a source of feedback through the fandom.  When you do well, this means instant gratification, which can make you feel amazing, but arguably the more valuable form of feedback comes in the form of constructive criticism and suggestions from the audience.  You learn a lot about spelling and grammar--always useful--and even more about story structure and character development.
     Whether what you're writing is offensive, or just poorly executed, it's always nice to have eyes on your words, people who can tell you when your characterization is inconsistent or when you need to plug a major plothole or if your "super secret" ending/plot twist is visible from a mile away.  And while beta readers and critique partners are great after the fact, feedback from the community usually occurs as you publish each chapter, which allows you to make changes as you go forward rather than having to double back--and by implementing changes as you go forward, you'll remember to implement them in future projects, too.

3.  Be inspiring

     Fanfiction is great even if you don't write it.  Just reading fanfiction can be inspiring, as I mentioned here; good fanfiction makes you want to run out and write a story based on X idea or Y character arc, and bad fanfiction makes you want to write something amazing just to prove to yourself that you can do it.  It's a good idea.  You should do it.

4.  Give you a sense of accomplishment

     Fanfiction is, I find, relatively easy to produce--there's a lot of work that's already been done by the original creator, which means that a lot of your characters don't need descriptions, a lot of places don't need explaining, and a lot of events are already common fandom knowledge--yet there's still a TON of work that goes into making a truly quality fic.  When you finish a fic, or a fic chapter, it feels amazing--when people respond positively, you feel like you're on cloud fucking eleven; it helps with your sense of self and it increases your confidence, and when you feel good about yourself it becomes a lot easier to make progress on the next or concurrent project.
     Progress begets progress, so sometimes it's great to use a little project (like a fanfic oneshot) to jump-start a larger project--like a couple thousand word down payment on your new MS.
     Plus, again, you feel really great, and who doesn't like feeling really great?

5.  Community

     Because the entire basis of fanfiction is that you're writing in a world someone else has created, the people you're trying to reach are already fans of what you're watching/reading, and, as fandom flocks together just like birds of paper feathers, you're not just pitching to individuals but to a ready-made community.
     One of the best ways to become a fully realized member of a fandom community (and through doing so find a place where you belong, people to help you in your quest for perfection, friends to see you through until the end) is to write fanfiction (or make fanart but, while I am very enthusiastic about art, this is not an art blog).  The more obsessive you are about a fandom, the more fanfiction becomes something akin to a need, and the best fillers of those needs are gods on high for a fandom nerd.  If you're fanficcing on the same account where you present your real life persona, it also creates a community that revolves around your work, which can be a great marketing platform when you start launching original content.

6.  Make someone else's day

     You know you have done your job as a writer when someone tells you that you have made their day.  The only thing that even comes close to describing the feeling is "euphoria."  This, like before, creates an increased sense of self, a greater feeling of self-confidence, and a driving desire to continue working.  Writing is an addiction, and like all addictions, the more you do it, the more you want to do it--and the more people agree with your addiction, the better it feels to give in.
     Also...

7.  Fear of disappointing your fans keeps you trucking along at a good speed

     One of the things I have trouble with is meeting my own deadlines.  This is really bad for a writer.  I do, however, do very well at meeting deadlines when someone else is waiting for the update with bated breathe.
     When I was especially absorbed in the fanfiction world, I could pump out several chapters a week in a good month--sometimes several a day, because when you know people are enjoying your work it, again, encourages you to work more, but it also encourages you to work toward not disappointing them.  The last thing you want when you have fans is to lose them.  Worse than just losing them is losing them not to your own incompetence, but to laziness, of all things.  It's definitely an incentive, and if you smarten up and get organized with your attempts to deliver quality content at death-defying speeds (I didn't), you can put the same updating strategies you use with fanfiction on your writing.
     Maybe you have a flow chart, or a friend you can submit chapters to the same way you'd submit to your chosen hosting website--whichever way, organization in one realm of your writing life should definitely lend itself to organization in others, and as they say, an organized life is an organized mind (or something like that), which lends itself to productivity.

8.  No limits, no consequences

     Addendum:  There are no limits in original writing either, and there are some minor consequences to writing (and publishing) bad fanfiction.
     hOWEVER; it's easier to write without limits when you're playing with someone else's characters.  It feels like there's less to lose--you can't screw it up, because the worst thing that happens if you do is you need to write something else, or maybe apologize for a few mistakes.  You're more likely to follow tangents and do silly, seemingly unnecessary things, or kill off or bring back characters at will, playing with the rules when it seems convenient (or refusing to ever play with the rules, whichever isn't your default), which can be goldmines for your creativity.   Just because it's not being used in a "real" project now doesn't mean you won't use it later.
     There are a lot of pressures fanfiction allows you to let go of, which is important practice for when you need to forget about society while you write your magnum opus.  One of the best things you can do for your writing is allow your creativity to run wild, because you can always--and should always--edit later.

     The long and the short of it is, fanfiction is amazing.  Use it as an outlet, use it as practice, use it just for fun--any way you dice it, it's worth whatever time you do--or don't!--want to put into it.